Ever notice yourself trying to gain someone else’s approval? A boss at work, by trying to do your best work so you receive kudos. Your kids or spouse, so they’re extra happy. A parent so they say kind things about you.

Yes, it is WONDERFUL to do kind things for people, but you want to be clear about what your inner motives are. When you do something kind for someone and hope to have them appreciate you in some way, you’re seeking outside approval. Seeking outside approval is a sign that inside you don’t actually feel good about yourself, you need (or think you need) this outside appreciation or approval to be considered acceptable.

The Truth is You ARE ACCEPTABLE. This is the Truth, always has been, always will be. Thinking anyone else needs to appreciate you is a way of making someone else responsible for your happiness.

Bologna- You Are Responsible for your happiness. And you know what makes you feel amazingly happy, and I mean AMAZINGLY happy from your head to your toes, dancing, laughing, complete silliness happy?

Approving of yourself.

When you begin to approve of yourself, you do your best work for YOU, because it feels good to do so, or you go out of your way for your family just because it feels good in your heart, not because you feel obligated and expect some appreciation at some point.

So how does one start to approve of themselves and begin to stop seeking outside approval?

There are many ways, and each of my Confidence Upgrade tips share helpful ways to start to crack the code to approving of yourself. But, this week I recommend Self Talk.

Lots and lots of positive Self Talk.

That’s right. When you notice yourself stepping into that realm of “Gosh I have to do this for them or they might get upset…” Woa, slow down, and start a dialogue with the part of you that’s making you think these untrue thoughts.

The conversation can go something like this:

Ego says to you: You have to stay late at work so you can do a good job, and you have to do a good job so everyone knows you’re a great employee…

You, your True Self says: Ok, I hear you Ego, I understand that’s what you’ve helped me to think for many years, and I appreciate you for helping me to work so hard. Thank you. Although now I prefer to follow a new belief. I can draw the line with working so hard, yes, still do a great job, but now I’m doing a great job for me- not for my boss or my co-workers, but me. And because of this, I choose to not stay late at work- that serves me and my life better. If my boss or co-workers disapprove of my choice that’s their judgment and their business, NOT mine!

I choose to make me happy! Staying late to get their approval ends up making me miserable, I wind up feeling tired and stressed all because I worked late, had little time to myself. I’m choosing to do something for me because I feel better when I draw the line and support myself- WAAAY better than receiving that momentary approval for all of those long hours put in!

Momentary approval vs. long term happiness, great energy and feeling good all over. Ok. Yes, my True Self wins hands down. Sorry Ego, no more approval seeking for me!

This conversation can be applied to any circumstance where you find yourself falling into seeking approval. The words might not be the same, but, you get the gist!

So, have a go at it. Let me tell you, it’s extremely liberating to begin living your life for YOU, creating your OWN happiness. You not only feel great about yourself, but you begin to spread more love and happiness to everyone you spend time with- very cool!!!

And this my beautiful friends is when your whole life just gets better and better!

Here’s to you, and lovin’ yourself up!

Warmly,

Andrea

PS Have any stories about an experience you’ve had with seeking approval? It’s affected everyone at some point! Would love to hear how things have played out for you. I welcome you to post your comments and stories below.

PSS Would you like a gift to get you started with living your best life possible? A life full of genuine happiness & confidence? A life where you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel GREAT with what you see reflected back? I have 5 f*ree Dare to Be You audio tips you can register to receive- now.

Sound good? I welcome you to sign up here!

Yesterday I was interviewing a woman who said to me “I’m really good about making myself available 24/7.” And I thought- wow that’s too bad!

As I looked at her sitting across from me on the other side of my desk, I thought, isn’t it funny how so many people think it’s a strength, something to be proud of when you make yourself available 24/7. What’s ironic is that it’s exactly this thinking that leads people to feeling like crap about themselves.

See, the story goes like this: Woman thinks she needs to be available to her family, her husband, children work or school. She works hard, helps out, at the drop of a hat, when she’s called upon to do more, even if she has something else going on, she makes arrangements to make herself available so she can help out even more. God forbid If she doesn’t help out, she then begins to feel guilty. Women have been programed- for hundreds of years by the way, to be of service. To make ourselves available- always. We’ve been commended for doing this, we’ve been appreciated for doing this, and it’s been EXPECTED that we do this.

Who expects this?

WE DO! And as a result, everyone around us does. And, why not?

We’ve seen our mothers bend over backwards and overwork themselves all in the name of sacrifice and love. (Very reinforcing by the way!) We may have even watched our grandmothers do likewise. We look around society at large, who are the woman we think are amazing- the ones who seem to do so much, be a great mom, earn a great living, be present at all their kid’s activities, make dinner, take care of household chores…

This doesn’t work any longer. What served our grandmothers, does NOT serve us. (It probably didn’t fully serve our grandmothers either, but we won’t go there right now!!)

So, making yourself available 24/7 leads to feeling crappy about yourself. It lowers yourself esteem. It can lead to having you feel tired, worn out, and cranky. You’ll probably even begin to build up resentment toward people in your life who you “do so much for, and don’t seem to appreciate you!”

How to remedy this?

Stop making yourself available 24/7. Start practicing having healthy boundaries.

Instead of judging yourself for NOT being available to someone, begin congratulating yourself for this. It’s true, I mean it! You need to recognize that this is a milestone for you, to shift your thinking from being available all of the time to helping only sometimes is HUGE, so definitely take a moment to notice this and say thank you to yourself.

Get clear with yourself what feels like enough, when do you want to help people, when would you like time for other things. If you’re hoping to go to dinner Saturday night and someone calls and asks for your help, don’t say yes just because you didn’t have set plans. Say NO because you have an urge to do something else. follow through on what YOU NEED TOO!

When you begin to draw the line more, you’ll notice yourself feeling more giddy. You’ll feel good for creating more time and space in your life for what you like and want. And it’s exactly these activities that will lead you to boosting your energy, and help you to feel really great about yourself!

There’s something really beautiful about a woman who draws the line. I think it’s all the self respect she pays herself- it just exudes from her.

Ready to feel powerful, beautiful and confident? Begin by drawing the line!

Wishing you all the best, with heaps of confidence and an easy breezy time with drawing the line! =)

Warmly,

Andrea

PS Have any stories about being of service 24/7? I’ve been down that path before, would love to hear what’s happened for you. And, if you’ve begun to make shifts in this area or maybe would like to do so, please take a moment to share as well!

PSS Would you like a gift to get you started with living your best life possible? A life full of genuine happiness & confidence? A life where you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel GREAT with what you see reflected back? I have 5 f*ree Dare to Be You audio tips you can register to receive- now.

Sound good? I welcome you to sign up here!