Yesterday I was interviewing a woman who said to me “I’m really good about making myself available 24/7.” And I thought- wow that’s too bad!

As I looked at her sitting across from me on the other side of my desk, I thought, isn’t it funny how so many people think it’s a strength, something to be proud of when you make yourself available 24/7. What’s ironic is that it’s exactly this thinking that leads people to feeling like crap about themselves.

See, the story goes like this: Woman thinks she needs to be available to her family, her husband, children work or school. She works hard, helps out, at the drop of a hat, when she’s called upon to do more, even if she has something else going on, she makes arrangements to make herself available so she can help out even more. God forbid If she doesn’t help out, she then begins to feel guilty. Women have been programed- for hundreds of years by the way, to be of service. To make ourselves available- always. We’ve been commended for doing this, we’ve been appreciated for doing this, and it’s been EXPECTED that we do this.

Who expects this?

WE DO! And as a result, everyone around us does. And, why not?

We’ve seen our mothers bend over backwards and overwork themselves all in the name of sacrifice and love. (Very reinforcing by the way!) We may have even watched our grandmothers do likewise. We look around society at large, who are the woman we think are amazing- the ones who seem to do so much, be a great mom, earn a great living, be present at all their kid’s activities, make dinner, take care of household chores…

This doesn’t work any longer. What served our grandmothers, does NOT serve us. (It probably didn’t fully serve our grandmothers either, but we won’t go there right now!!)

So, making yourself available 24/7 leads to feeling crappy about yourself. It lowers yourself esteem. It can lead to having you feel tired, worn out, and cranky. You’ll probably even begin to build up resentment toward people in your life who you “do so much for, and don’t seem to appreciate you!”

How to remedy this?

Stop making yourself available 24/7. Start practicing having healthy boundaries.

Instead of judging yourself for NOT being available to someone, begin congratulating yourself for this. It’s true, I mean it! You need to recognize that this is a milestone for you, to shift your thinking from being available all of the time to helping only sometimes is HUGE, so definitely take a moment to notice this and say thank you to yourself.

Get clear with yourself what feels like enough, when do you want to help people, when would you like time for other things. If you’re hoping to go to dinner Saturday night and someone calls and asks for your help, don’t say yes just because you didn’t have set plans. Say NO because you have an urge to do something else. follow through on what YOU NEED TOO!

When you begin to draw the line more, you’ll notice yourself feeling more giddy. You’ll feel good for creating more time and space in your life for what you like and want. And it’s exactly these activities that will lead you to boosting your energy, and help you to feel really great about yourself!

There’s something really beautiful about a woman who draws the line. I think it’s all the self respect she pays herself- it just exudes from her.

Ready to feel powerful, beautiful and confident? Begin by drawing the line!

Wishing you all the best, with heaps of confidence and an easy breezy time with drawing the line! =)

Warmly,

Andrea

PS Have any stories about being of service 24/7? I’ve been down that path before, would love to hear what’s happened for you. And, if you’ve begun to make shifts in this area or maybe would like to do so, please take a moment to share as well!

PSS Would you like a gift to get you started with living your best life possible? A life full of genuine happiness & confidence? A life where you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel GREAT with what you see reflected back? I have 5 f*ree Dare to Be You audio tips you can register to receive- now.

Sound good? I welcome you to sign up here!

For awhile now, I’ve been looking around at my life and noticing where I have patterns that keep playing themselves out in a way that don’t help me to feel or be my best. Sometimes it’s certain arguments with my husband, while at other times it has to do with my sons and my reaction to their behavior. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection- clearing of old patterns, learning and incorporating new ways of seeing the world and myself.

In many areas of my life I’m seeing myself and the loved ones I’m surrounded with, with fresh eyes, eyes with less judgement. And then, there are days and times when I step into my old patterns and old views of what’s right or wrong! Yuck, I always feel like garbage when this occurs.

I’ve been utilizing something lately that’s been EXTREMELY helpful to clearing my old thoughts and reactions and really helping me and my family get along better.

What’s this cool tool? It’s called The Work, by Byron Katie. It’s 4 questions and a turnaround. If you want to know more about this approach click here to check it out, it is very, very cool.

If you’re open to trying something POWERFUL and yet super easy to do, you’ll want to invest a little time in applying these questions to your life.

If your goal is to feel good about yourself, you’ll need to look around you and begin to clear up areas in your life where you feel stuck: relationships, your weight, health, etc…this tool will help you to start that process in such a powerful way.

By the way, if you feel like you’re struggling trying to answer these questions on your own, without a guide, like you’re not making enough of a difference in the areas that are aggravating you, then dial this helpline number. It will connect you with coaches and counselors who will help you on the spot (for free) with whatever stuff you’re feeling stuck with and trying to move through. (I believe this is a one time freebie call!)

So give it a whirl. Man, I’ll tell you, it works. I promise if you stick to applying these 4 questions to your life’s concerns and you apply and reapply them for a few weeks, you will definitely begin to shift out of your old belief system and stuck patterns and open up a whole new outstandingly confident, happy life for yourself! A new strong YOU and a new improved life to go along with you!!!

Wishing you all the best, with heaps of confidence and a really cool life!

Warmly,

Andrea

PS If you have patterns you’re trying to improve for yourself and your family- go ahead and share in the comments section… It’s a great way to connect with others, knowing you’re NOT ALONE in what you’re going through!

PSS PS Would you like a gift to get you started with living your best life possible? A life full of genuine happiness & confidence? A life where you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel GREAT with what you see reflected back? I have 5 f*ree Dare to Be You audio tips you can register to receive- now.

Sound good? I welcome you to sign up here!

Last night my son Boden said to me, “I think my heart is saying I should sleep with you tonight.” I obliged. My answer to him was, “We better follow your heart”. I could have said 5 reasons why (from my head) it wasn’t a good idea, but, I didn’t go there. I didn’t even let those thoughts creep in… Now, being human, I’m prone to fall out of this state of living solely from my heart. Yup. I know I will follow my heart sometimes and other times my head will be guiding parts of my life. That’s ok, we’re all works in progress. As long as I let my heart lead most of time, I know my life will continue to become more and more beautiful.

Someone who’s very sick will often start living from their heart. The things they once worried about, those things they thought they NEEDED to DO or take care of; cleaning the yard, organizing their closets, waxing their eyebrows, losing those last 10 lbs, it now all seems trivial. It’s not that they don’t do these things, it’s just that they make them a much smaller priority. They begin to see life through a set of very clear lenses. Spending time with people they love- that takes precedence. Doing what they LOVE; travel, playing sports, painting, spending time outdoors… their time is filled with quality experiences, not whittled away with all sorts of to dos that take them AWAY from the important stuff, the things that add value to their lives.

By they way, at this point, if you feel like you’ve allowed yourself to be distracted from a lot of quality experiences, take heart, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Almost everyone has been there at times!

If you feel like you’d like to live as your confident awesome self and watch your life become easier, you’ll want to start taking steps to follow your heart and skip letting your brain be your life’s compass. Your brain (while a very important beautiful organ), can take you off course and have you doing things that keep you feeling down about yourself. But, your heart will show you what will lift your spirits, feel more at ease in your skin, and have you feeling great about yourself no matter how you look!!!

How can you live with your heart leading your choices?

1. Notice what your body feels like before you make decisions to do something. Do you get a funny, uncomfortable feeling in your stomach before you decide to be on another volunteer committee? Or does your heart feel light and excited. If you feel even the slightest bit excited, feeling light and at ease, that’s your heart/intuition telling you YES!! This is good for you. If you feel heavy or uncomfortable, that’s your heart/intuition telling you NO, this is not good for you, it will only take you more off track from feeling good.

Ok. If you’re willing have a go at this, before you make decisions, slow down, and notice your body. Watch, look and listen for your body’s response. Here-in lies your true answers, the ones that will allow you to live a confident, empowered AWESOME life!

Happy New Year! Happy New and Upgraded You!

With warmth and strength,

Andrea!

PS Have a story to tell about a time you followed your heart and not your to do list? Or if this is something you’re still working on, would love to hear where you’re at. I invite you to share your insights and thoughts, below in the comments section!

PSS Would you like a gift to get you started with living your best life possible? A life full of genuine happiness & confidence? A life where you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel GREAT with what you see reflected back? I have 5 f*ree Dare to Be You audio tips you can register to receive- now.

Sound good? I welcome you to sign up here!

Stress can easily become the theme during the holidays, and when this happens you can be extra critical of yourself. Noticing only what’s going wrong versus what’s actually going really well. Noticing where you’ve made a mistake- forgot a gift, didn’t send someone a holiday card, ate too much junk at a party, said the ‘wrong’ thing to someone at a party…

When you notice yourself feeling stressed and beginning to go into self critical mode STOP and follow these few simple steps:

1. Take a few deep breathes
2. Remind yourself of something that is going well, something you feel good about with respect to preparing for the holidays- make sure to say this out loud.
3. Next, begin drinking lots clean filtered or spring water (especially warm water) with lemon in it

Warm water with lemon in it is VERY cleansing. When you’re feeling stressed and starting to criticize yourself it’s a sign to slow down, take better care of yourself and begin cleaning out your old thoughts that keep you thinking negatively. One of the easiest ways to begin clearing out old thoughts is by cleaning up your body.

Water with lemon is very cleansing to your body and your thoughts. Drink several glasses a day for at least 3 days (or more if you’re willing.)

Flushing out your body will definitely begin flushing out your old stressful, self critical thoughts.

There are many other ways to cleanse your body and thoughts which I will be sharing over the next few weeks, for now, if you’re willing just try this simple approach.

I myself am a HUGE water with lemon drinker and yes, right now as I’m heading into the holidays, I’m drinking water with lemon non-stop, I want to feel good about myself and think warm loving thoughts throughout this holiday. I welcome you to join me, have a go at this lemon water thing and watch how it begins to make a difference!

For those of you who give it a try, I invite you to post your stories and outcomes here, would love to hear what’s happening.

Would you like a gift to get you started with living your best life possible? A life full of genuine happiness & confidence? A life where you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel GREAT with what you see reflected back? I have 5 f*ree Dare to Be You audio tips you can register to receive- now.

Sound good? I welcome you to sign up here!

Picture this: you, your son (or daughter), and a couple of your close family members outside clipping berries and leaves from bushes just hours before your Thanksgiving dinner is to be served. You feel relaxed, you’re laughing, breathing in fresh air, connecting with the people around you and really enjoying yourself.

Now, picture this: You’re outside on your own, clipping berries and leaves (to be used as decoration on your Thanksgiving table). You feel hurried and tired, trying to fit in one more thing before you take care of more Thanksgiving dinner details. You’re rushing to get back to the house because you know you have more to do.

My guess is you can relate to both scenarios, I know I can. I’m happy to say the first scenario depicts my personal experience this past Thanksgiving. But, above and beyond this point, the first scenario, is all about allowing others to support you. Accepting help from others and NOT trying to do everything yourself.

Accepting help from others is a GREAT way to grow your confidence, and begin to feel better about yourself.

How?

You see, most people have it backward (I know I did for quite sometime). They think, if you do it all yourself you’ll gain recognition from others, and approval- wow, look how wonderful that woman is, she just did all that herself!! (Sound familiar?)

The reality of this situation is this though- you end up tired, running yourself ragged, maybe getting sick, maybe overeating because you’re stressed, and, you have no free time to have fun because you dedicated all your time to taking care of this thing (or many things) all yourself.

Sound like a confidence booster? NOT!!!

So, the bottom line is this- if you want to grow your confidence and feel better about yourself, you need to go against that urge to be a one woman powerhouse and instead, allow yourself to reach out, ask for, and accept support.

I promise you, once you do, you’ll feel a load of weight lifted off your shoulders and just that alone is a serious confidence booster!

How to bring this into your personal life: Look around at your daily life. Where have you taken on too much? Where do you run yourself most ragged? Now, make a plan to get support. Reach out to your spouse, call a family member, a friend, someone who can help you ease your work load.

Good luck! Let me know how it turns out, I’d love to hear, I invite you to post your comments below! Thanks for sharing!

Would you like a gift to get you started with living your best life possible? A life full of genuine happiness & confidence? A life where you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and feel GREAT with what you see reflected back? I have 5 f*ree Dare to Be You audio tips you can register to receive- now.

Sound good? I welcome you to sign up here!